"Unpleasantries"

17th May 2005


SOMETHING IS QUITE WRONG HERE

1. Children as young as four spit at their parents.
2. Students as young as 10 smoke.
3. It is common to have siblings all by different fathers.
4. Students from single-parent families outnumber those from dual parent families.
5. Taking drugs is as common as taking panadol.
6. “Happy Slapping” is on the rise, where teenagers slap strangers and capture their reactions on their mobile phone cameras.
7. A shopping centre has banned people wearing sweaters with hoods (called “hoodies) because they are associated with gangsterism.
8. Girls as young as 13 can go to the doctor for free contraceptive pills without any parental permission.
9. People who don’t work can have a similar standard of living to those who do because they can claim benefits.
10. Out of the four volunteers from my reading help group, only one is from UK.


TACT – HOW TO SAY SOMETHING UNPLEASANT IN A PLEASANT WAY

I dislike dishonesty and I dislike hypocrisy. So, if I am horrible at doing something, I really appreciate it that people say it straight in my face. But that’s my problem. I think everybody appreciates the same honesty. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. Many people like some sugar-coating. A negative comment can get a lot of people down, I realise. That’s where tact comes in. Some call it political correctness. That’s what I have spent my whole life-time learning -- how to say something unpleasant in a pleasant way.


Scenario 1

Christina has had problems getting a placement and she blames our tutor for all her troubles (which is true to a certain extent). But, she does not realise that she is extremely stubborn and she refuses to put herself into others’ shoes.

She has had problems establishing some contact with the company assigned to her and she has complained to me that the person-in-charge is never around. A couple a days ago, she let me listen to a phone message that the manager has left her. Apparently, the manager felt that she was extremely rude to her colleagues. In view of that, they have decided not to allow her to do her placement there.

While I agree that the company is rather unprofessional, I also think that Christina is to be blamed too.
She said, “ They said I am rude. Do you think I am rude?”.
I wanted to say yes. But I was screaming inside, “NO, DON’T SAY IT!”

In the end, I said “It’s a blessing in disguise. You would not be happy there if they did accept you.”



Scenario 2

Emma, George and I were planning a team-teaching exercise we had to complete in a primary school here. I suggested a structure which would help the kids through a task.

Emma: Isn’t that very tiring?

Me: But teaching IS tiring.

Emma: But we are not paid to do this.

Me (biting my tongue again): …So, shall we go with the other structure?
I really wanted to say, “first you complain that you are not getting enough practical experience. Now that you have it, you complain that it is too tiring!”

TACT, TACT, TACT, TACT, TACT. DOn't think I've mastered it at all.